Mysterious Room
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Okay.......

Go down

Okay....... Empty Okay.......

Post by Daunte Wed May 23, 2012 8:17 pm

So. Nobody comes here.. and if they do its just a visit. which is usually long enough for that person to go WTF??? and leave, but for anyone who actually decideds to make an account and read this. Heres my disclaimer: If you are not a fan of hearing someone bitch about there mental problems then pull a 180 and leave the forum because thats what im about to do.


Okay... Talking. Thats what i hear is good to help *Get things out*..Right? Then why the fuck do i have such a hard time doing it? Is it my social awkwardness? it gets in the way. i get excited and stumble over mywords, get pissed off and end up inadvertently insulting that person im talking to in the process. Nevertheless i think i need to let this out. Iv been ....Angry. Vary angry. this last month. everything sets me on edge. i blow up at people for little shit that 4 months ago would meen nothing to me. Everythings so tense and gloom. People. everyone irritates the fuck out of me. i cant talk to family or friends. And i dont mean that i refuse to. I try! i just have issues when they talk back. i lose interest fast and soon after that stop listenting. i start nit picking the way they talk. and turn into a fucking word nazi. correcting them. whichs pisses them off. so i leave, like its their fault. Im getting fed up with life.. I can look ahead and see my entire future planned out. thats complete bullshit but it feels like things will not change. I cant find value in anything. my job is pointless, family and friends..well, looking at it now i need them. but being there in a social envirement with them. i'll pick out things about that person or persons that i dont like and roll it like a snowball in my head until it gets so big i cant ignore it. adding little things to it that i would otherwise overlook for the better qualitys of the person. then use that as a means to justify shunning them. Music.. once the main joy in my life. i cant Feel music like i used to. everything is stale and plain. i go on Pandora on my phone. i used to have a bunch of stations with everything from classical to rap/hiphop and everything in between. i hit the quickmix button to mix them all so i get a huge veriaty. usually its awesome.. now im uninsterested. i just use it to tune people out. meanwhile im tuning it out too. Im just sick of living life. and Suicide is a constent thought in the back of my head. Its there all the time. Its vary much like. If you take a guitar. you take the strings off. take the pickups out, remove the neck from the body. remove the electronics and strip the pains. whats left? Wood. Now take me. You take me away from stimuli. remove my thoughts, and leave me by myself. whats left? thoughts of suicide. its a redicules metaphore but it gives you an idea. Its always there. The only thing holding me back is the idea that im going to die anyway. Then i think alternatively, all im doing is speeding up the process. which is then retorted by the thought why bother at all. its as if that little voice. my conscions, which i have named Date is battling with me. but perhaps thats the issue. Maybe iv made things worse simply by personifying my conscions. I dont know. I hate it. I hate me, then again thats always been the case. iv always hated me. But its starting to feel like...before. and it scares the fuck out of me.. its getting cloudier every day. Something needs to change.


This post didnt help.

Daunte

Posts : 96
Join date : 2010-12-18

Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum